I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
