No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
