we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
