Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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