Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
