1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
