My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
