Princesses don't give blow jobs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
