I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
