Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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