I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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