oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
