will power is for people who don't want to get laid
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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