Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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