I have demons in me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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