Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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