Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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