Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
