Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
