When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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