just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i've created a new STD.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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