It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
