Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
