btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
