Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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