that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
