I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't turn off my feet"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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