He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
