Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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