I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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