Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
