Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We named our party play list daddy issues
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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