her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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