I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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