kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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