I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We have started to decorate penises.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
