i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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