did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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