how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
