i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
