lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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