peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I believe in your delicious
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
