I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
