Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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