shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
