i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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