I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
