No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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