Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
