she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
