Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
