I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
