he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
