We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
