well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Damn victory sex feels great
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
