Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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