You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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